I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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