So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
