Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
