i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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