Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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