every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
