Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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