He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
