why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
