help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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