Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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