Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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