We're like a lot better than the average bears
Don't make out with my wife yet
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
