why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
