At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
True strength comes from lack of pants
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
