i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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