What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
