I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
