I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
