Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
