so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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