Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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