the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
