i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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