it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
