My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
