Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
