He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
