I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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