She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
