Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
