I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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