How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
