even my farts smell like vagina
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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