Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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