The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
it's like iHOP with fire
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
