put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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