He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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