woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
