I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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