Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
