So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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