Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
