Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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