This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
