pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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