Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
