Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
