It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
that may or may not have been my penis.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
