Please, let me fuck your mom
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
