Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
