From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
