If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
